In Waving Goodbye, Warren Kozak describes his transformation from married man to widow after his wife, Lisa, passed away in 2018. His goal is for the book to be a “candid, honest, and approachable guide to dealing with the death of a spouse written by a very ordinary guy who has lived through the ordeal.
Kozak paints an unflinchingly honest picture of the pain and heartache he endured both during and after his wife’s illness. He documents his whole journey, including his marriage, Lisa’s illness, the aftermath of her death, and the reactions of his friends and acquaintances. The book contains short chapters with anecdotes about friends who said the right thing, and those who did not. Kozak also describes telephone conversations and meetings that were helpful, and those that were less meaningful. Anyone who is experiencing a loss of this magnitude may identify with his struggle to resume life.
There’s a lot of detail here, and some of it may seem familiar, particularly to Jewish readers already steeped in mourning traditions. We read about the shiva service, the rabbi’s sermon, and who recited what. Kozak tells readers about the paperwork he had to go through after his spouse’s death and how their accounts were organized. It’s possible that he runs through all of these details in an attempt to exorcise his grief, to reflect on his grieving process, and to offer some gems of wisdom to others along the way who may be experiencing similar losses.
Each person’s loss, like a marriage, is completely unique, so Kozak’s exact experiences may or may not resonate with his readers. But ultimately it will remind them that in their grief, they are not completely alone. Others have gone through it, too, and have come out the other end; but because loss creates fundamental changes in one’s sense of self and identity, the mourner will come through the experience altered. “I appear normal, but I am not,” Kozak writes. “I’m not sure who this new person is — I am still evolving.”
