By
– November 10, 2011
Just like many American career women, Ayelet Waldman wears a wide variety of hats in her daily life. One minute, she’s the mother of four children, the next, a successful author observing from the sidelines as one of her novels is transformed from the written page to the big screen. She’s also an outspoken advocate for social issues of the day who isn’t shy about expressing her opinion.
And, oh yes, she is the wife of award-winning novelist Michael Chabon.
While Waldman’s first two books, Daughter’s Keeper and Love and Other Impossible Pursuits featured fictional characters seeking to cope with complex life issues, her latest release is non-fiction with a controversial topic.
Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities and Occasional Moments of Grace implores its readers to confront their definitions of a ‘bad mother.’ In eighteen chapters full of mothers’ stories and Waldman wit, the author delves into the ordinarily taboo subject of Good vs. Bad Mother. Is a woman a bad mother if she also works outside her home, thereby spending time away from her family? Will a wife’s lackluster libido be reawakened by her husband’s gift of tiger-printed crotchless panties? Certainly, the gift’s impact will differ from woman to woman, but Waldman is emphatic when she writes the present will backfire. However, she advises husbands truly interested in rekindling eroticism in their marriage to unload the dishwasher or pick up a broom. “There is nothing sexier to a woman with children than a man holding a Swiffer,” she writes.
In a telephone interview, Waldman revealed that the idea for Bad Mother was hatched during a conversation she was having with fellow author Daniel Hatcher, otherwise known as Lemony Snicket. The pair were discussing “mother dramas,” she says, when Hatcher retorted, “Stop talking and write a book.”
On a related note, Waldman found herself in the crux of controversy when she wrote in a New York Times essay that she believes she could withstand the loss of a child more easily than the death of her husband.
She differentiates the love for a spouse and an offspring by defining marital love as containing elements of “passion and sex” while “love for a child is maternal. When it’s not, then you have a problem.” Waldman is irritated when mothers display an “all-consuming devotion to their children like they have for a husband.” That’s because, she says, the two relationships are distinct from one another so they should not contain the same components. “Everybody’s a Jewish mother, which is a huge problem in our society,” she says, adding, “There is a distinction between what we feel constitutes a good mother versus a bad mother. A dad just has to show up and he’s already doing better than his dad,” says Waldman.
Her message? “Mothers need to worry less about being good/bad mothers and focus on the moments. They escape too quickly,” she laments.
And, oh yes, she is the wife of award-winning novelist Michael Chabon.
While Waldman’s first two books, Daughter’s Keeper and Love and Other Impossible Pursuits featured fictional characters seeking to cope with complex life issues, her latest release is non-fiction with a controversial topic.
Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities and Occasional Moments of Grace implores its readers to confront their definitions of a ‘bad mother.’ In eighteen chapters full of mothers’ stories and Waldman wit, the author delves into the ordinarily taboo subject of Good vs. Bad Mother. Is a woman a bad mother if she also works outside her home, thereby spending time away from her family? Will a wife’s lackluster libido be reawakened by her husband’s gift of tiger-printed crotchless panties? Certainly, the gift’s impact will differ from woman to woman, but Waldman is emphatic when she writes the present will backfire. However, she advises husbands truly interested in rekindling eroticism in their marriage to unload the dishwasher or pick up a broom. “There is nothing sexier to a woman with children than a man holding a Swiffer,” she writes.
In a telephone interview, Waldman revealed that the idea for Bad Mother was hatched during a conversation she was having with fellow author Daniel Hatcher, otherwise known as Lemony Snicket. The pair were discussing “mother dramas,” she says, when Hatcher retorted, “Stop talking and write a book.”
On a related note, Waldman found herself in the crux of controversy when she wrote in a New York Times essay that she believes she could withstand the loss of a child more easily than the death of her husband.
She differentiates the love for a spouse and an offspring by defining marital love as containing elements of “passion and sex” while “love for a child is maternal. When it’s not, then you have a problem.” Waldman is irritated when mothers display an “all-consuming devotion to their children like they have for a husband.” That’s because, she says, the two relationships are distinct from one another so they should not contain the same components. “Everybody’s a Jewish mother, which is a huge problem in our society,” she says, adding, “There is a distinction between what we feel constitutes a good mother versus a bad mother. A dad just has to show up and he’s already doing better than his dad,” says Waldman.
Her message? “Mothers need to worry less about being good/bad mothers and focus on the moments. They escape too quickly,” she laments.
Tami Kamin-Meyer is a licensed attorney who would rather write than fight. Her byline has appeared in a variety of publications, including Better Homes and Gardens, The Rotarian, Ohio Super Lawyers, Ohio Lawyers Weekly, Ohio Magazine, Cleveland Jewish News, the Jewish Telegraphic Agency, and www.chabad.edu. She is also an award-winning Hebrew school educator.
