In her last posts, Melissa Broder conducted a “Jewish vs. Goyish litmus test” for the year in review and shared the B‑Sides of her forthcoming When You Say One Thing but Mean Your Mother (Feb. 6).
Jon Stewart
got you stoned behind the bimah.
Joe Lieberman
wouldn’t stop talking about Schindler’s List.
Kenny G.
grew misty during Oseh Shalom.
Ad-Rock
felt you up at Mike D’s parents’ house.
Gloria Steinem
took offense to the book of Genesis.
Slash
burned down the sukkah.
Rahm Emanuel
wouldn’t stop talking about Birthright.
Gene Simmons
was “very active” in youth group.
Bette Midler
aced her Torah portion.
Courtney Love
was the mean girl.
Natalie Portman
was her minyan.
Jonathon Safran Foer
wouldn’t stop talking about Elie Wiesel’s Night.
Gertrude Stein
had a “thing” for Queen Vashti.
Paula Abdul
sniffed gluesticks.
Amy Winehouse
took the teen tour by storm.
Alicia Silverstone
didn’t eat the kreplach.
Mark Chagall
wouldn’t stop talking about Mark Chagall.
Bob Dylan
ignored you.
Who did you go to Hebrew School with?
Melissa Broder is the author of When You Say One Thing but Mean Your Mother. She is the curator of the Polestar Poetry Series and the Chief Editor of La Petite Zine. She is the winner of the Jerome Lowell Dejur Award and the Stark Prize for Poetry. Broder received her BA from Tufts University and is currently in the MFA program at the CCNY. By day, she works as a literary publicist. Her poems have appeared in many journals, including: Opium, Shampoo, Conte and The Del Sol Review. She lives in Brooklyn. Visit her websitehttp://www.melissabroder.com/.
Melissa Broderis the author of the novels Milk Fed and The Pisces, the essay collection So Sad Today, and five poetry collections, including Superdoom. She has written for The New York Times, Elle, and New York magazine’s The Cut. She lives in Los Angeles. Follow her on Twitter @SoSadToday and @MelissaBroder and Instagram @RealMelissaBroder.